


Painter's paradox

by epithalamium



Category: 999: Nine Hours Nine Persons Nine Doors - Fandom, Zero Escape (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Band Fic, F/M, M/M, Polyamory, Request Meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 11:26:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3288662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epithalamium/pseuds/epithalamium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'So,' said Junpei, smiling. 'It proves that even if Gabriel's horn contains infinite space—meaning it goes on forever—it does have a finite volume.'</p><p>Aoi finally met Junpei's eyes, his fingers scratching the back of one ear as he thought about what Junpei had said.</p><p>'You mean even if your feelings are infinite, you can only take so much shit?' he said.</p><p>'I wouldn't quite put it like that.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Painter's paradox

**Author's Note:**

> For a writing meme at Tumblr: "Don’t listen to them. Don’t you EVER listen to them." - Junpei/Santa  
> I threw Junpei/Akane in with the mix because I can't imagine Junpei/Santa without Akane in there somewhere--she's important to both of them, after all. 
> 
> Actually started as a short fic about Radical-6, but then I thought that would be too sad and turned it into a band!AU instead. And now it's a 6k-word monster.
> 
> Mentions of Dio, Sigma, and Phi.

'Hey Junpei,' says Clover. 'My brother's going to be playing Rhizome 9 tonight. Want to come with?'

Junpei and Clover are prepping up the bar at the start of their shifts, and Junpei pauses in the middle of wiping traces of beer rings from the counter to consider Clover's question.

'Are we even going to make it?' he says. As part-timers they both get off at ten, but Rhizome 9 is more than a half hour's walk from the bar where they worked--although it might as well have been light years away in terms of clientèle and popularity. Junpei is pretty familiar with the area, even though he hasn't gone there for years.

'Don't worry,' says Clover. 'Light's set won't be until midnight, anyway.'

Junpei shrugs and doesn't say anything. He isn't sure why Clover is asking him; they've been working together a couple of months now, but he can't say the two of them are especially close. With her vibrantly pink hair and short schoolgirl skirts, she reminds him of the sort of people one can find in clubs like Rhizome 9, and Junpei has never really felt comfortable with the so-called hip crowd. So far, most of their conversation has revolved around work: complaining about the extra shifts or having to deal with irate salary men who have forgotten the concept of indoor voice. He wonders if this is a roundabout way of asking him out, although she certainly has never expressed any interest of that sort before. Junpei himself isn't terribly interested. Sure, Clover is pretty cute and attractive, but she also looked high maintenance and Junpei doesn't think he can handle that on top of everything else.

'I don't know,' he says. 'It's not really my kind of scene.' Nowadays, Junpei's 'scene' comprises drinking beer while playing video games or watching shitty action movies until dawn--or until he gets too drunk to see straight, whichever comes first. But he doesn't think Clover needs to know this.

'Oh come on, Junpei.' Clover pouts and bats her eyelashes. 'I don't want to walk there by myself, and it would probably take two hours by cab.'

So she just wants some company. Junpei shrugs again. That he can handle. 'Okay. But you're paying for the drinks, right?' 

 

 

*

A couple of miles from the club and surrounded by kids of various musical inclinations flocking the pavement like metal-studded, frilly, furry birds of paradise, Junpei starts having second thoughts.

'Who else is gonna be there?' he says. It is crowded enough that Clover has to grab the sleeve of his shirt so they wouldn't get parted and lose each other forever. Junpei considers taking her hand in his, but she'd probably think he's taking advantage, so he settles for matching her high-heeled stride.

'Hmm,' says Clover. 'Just, you know. People. My brother plays a harp, and he's pretty popular with the goths and Lolitas. You know. That sort.'

'No, I mean,' says Junpei, thinking, Harp? 'I mean, do you know the other bands who'll be there?'

'Oh.' Clover laughs. 'I don't really remember. Free the Soul, I think? Light doesn't get along with their singer, but I don't think anyone actually gets along with him?'

Junpei nods. Of course, the chances of anyone actually recognising him are pretty low, but considering his luck, he wouldn't bet on it.

'The singer's a bit of an arse, I heard.' This isn't exactly true. Dio is more than 'a bit' of an arse, but he wouldn't remember Junpei, which makes him safe and perfect.

'He is! He's a regular prima donna.' Clover stops in front of a flight of stairs that leads down a narrow metal door. 'Here we are. We can enter from the back. We can say we're with Light, you see.'

Junpei has gone down a couple of steps when he notices the poster on the door. 

  **TONIGHT**

 ƒree the soul

Light Field

Crash Keys

'Crash Keys?' he says.

'Oh, yeah,' says Clover, looking back up at Junpei. 'Do you know them?'

  *

 She was all the songs that kept you company through your sleepless nights. Soft voice that sang words of sympathy and comfort. Long pale fingers lightly touching the keys of her piano and the perfect drops of notes that felt like tears on your cheeks.

Junpei was eighteen. He was in love.

They both were. But after all the hugging and kissing and laughing at each other's dumb and silly jokes, after all the bar fights and bruises and vague promises, what else was there to say? No matter what the songs and the poetry say, Junpei learned one thing: love wasn't enough.

 *

 

'Fuck,' says Junpei. 'Are you serious? Crash Keys?' He takes a step back, almost running back to street-level, not caring that he has left Clover behind. 'They're shit. Don't listen to them. Don't EVER listen to them.'

'Junpei?' Clover is climbing up the stairs as well. She is frowning at Junpei, although she looks more bewildered than angry. 'Are you okay?'

'I--' says Junpei, running a hand through his hair. 'I think it would be better if I just pop in from the entrance, yeah?'

He almost jumps when he feels Clover's hand on the small of his back.

'Do you need to sit down?' she says. 'We should probably get as much fresh air as we could, before we go inside. Don't worry, we can see my brother after his set. The back stage is probably a mess right now, anyway.'

'I'm fine,' says Junpei. There is a vending machine that sells hot drinks near where they are standing, and he concentrates on that so he wouldn't have to meet Clover's eyes. 'Do you want something to drink?'

'I'll get that,' says Clover, biting her lip as she considers her vending machine options. 'How about some coffee? Careful, it's pretty hot.'

'All right.' Junpei takes one of the canned drinks from Clover. It isn't quite as hot as she said, the warmth of it almost comforting, and he wraps his hands around the drink as if to trap the temperature inside the aluminium can. 'Thanks.'

'Did you get dumped by one of them?' says Clover.

Junpei laughs. He doesn't bother pretending not to understand what Clover means. What's the point? He's already had a mini breakdown in front of a flimsy little poster, for god's sake.

'I wish,' he says. 'Their wank-faced guitarist took off with all my cash and my best coat.' Left him high and dry in fact, with overdue bills, a pair-less sock, and a bunch of used condoms in the rubbish bin. But Clover doesn't need to know that, either.

'Oh,' says Clover. 'Hey, I think we should go to a pub after my brother's set. Or maybe a coffee shop. He doesn't really do alcohol, you know. But he could treat us to some cake.'

'Thanks,' Junpei says again. When he smiles, Clover smiles back.

 

*

'Sometimes I think of the world we live in,' Akane told Junpei, as they lay on the grassy riverbank under the stars. 'And it fills me with pain.'

Junpei didn't know what to say to that: all the words he might say empty of real comfort, so he kept silent, savouring the warmth of her beside him instead, although it felt like she wasn't really there at all. To his other side, Aoi sat flicking ash from his cigarette and pretending he wasn't shivering from the cold. Aoi was angry with Akane for some reason, which was why he'd chosen to sit with Junpei between them like a human barrier.

'Fuck that,' said Aoi. 'You can't take on all the pain of the world by yourself. That's what I'm here for--' he corrected himself, nudging Junpei's leg none too gently with the toe of his boot, 'what _we're_ here for.'

Junpei sat up and gave Aoi's arm a punch. 'Dude,' he said, as Aoi flipped him the bird in response, 'You're freezing.'

'I fucking hate this shitty place.'

You could have worn a jacket, Junpei thought, but they've had this conversation many times before and Aoi did whatever he wanted anyway. An annoying contrariness that was probably built in his genes. 'Come here, then.'

Aoi grumbled, but moved closer to Junpei, letting Junpei sling an arm across his shoulders. 'Let's get something to eat. I'm starving.'

'There's still some food back in the flat,' said Junpei. He worked a couple of shifts in a pub near his university aside from his regular job at a bookshop, but there were still his school fees and rent and bills, and he was finding it harder and harder to keep up since he started helping Akane and Aoi with their band.

'Couldn't you have pulled a boyfriend who's actually rich?' said Aoi. 'I'm practically pissing instant noodle broth.'

Akane laughed, and Junpei could pretend for a moment that everything was all right. 'I didn't hear you complaining last night, Aoi.'

Between the careless light from the street lamps and the soft moonlight, it was dark enough to miss Junpei's blush. Of course, with Aoi sitting so close, that didn't really matter. Junpei looked at Aoi from the corner of his eye: Aoi was grinning, smug as he pleased. For a moment, Junpei wished he'd let Aoi freeze himself solid earlier.

'Yeah, well,' said Junpei.

Akane sat up as well, looking at Junpei and Aoi like a proud parent at a wedding.

'I'm glad,' she said.

Beside him, Junpei felt Aoi stiffen, could imagine him bristling like an offended cat. Instinctively, Junpei's arms tightened around Aoi's shoulders, although he wasn't sure Aoi even noticed. For a moment, he didn't say anything, just took a drag off his cigarette; the lit end flaring and throwing shadows on his face.

'What,' said Aoi. 'You think it'd be okay because he has _me_? That I'm a replacement or something?'

Akane didn't answer, looking away and biting her lip.

'You think you can just leave,' said Aoi, giving words to Junpei's vague fears. And Junpei was scared, wanted to reach out for Akane before she vanished from his sight, but he couldn't. Instead, he held on to Aoi, because he was there and his anger was easier to understand than Akane's silence.

'You'd leave and think nothing about it, because we have _each other_.' Aoi laughed. It sounded like he had glass shards in his throat. 'Well, fuck that.'

He pulled away from Junpei and stood up. Before Junpei and Akane could say anything, he was walking away from them, away from the riverbank. And he was gone.

'I have to,' said Akane. Her voice was so soft it might as well have belonged with the faint sounds of the river passing them by, the crickets singing, the gentle hum of electricity coming from the city behind them. 'He knows that. He feels the same way, but he would never take the risk because he wants to protect me.'

'Maybe he has it right,' said Junpei. It was selfish and he hated himself for it, but in that moment he hated her as well. Because he wasn't enough. Because even Aoi wasn't enough. 'Sometimes you have to make the wrong decision. That's what life is like, isn't it?'

Akane frowned, and Junpei wondered if he'd gone too far, that she would tell him to fuck off (although she'd never once cursed in his hearing), and leave like Aoi had done. But she just sighed.

'Do you think,' she said, 'they didn't tell themselves the same thing, in order to justify their actions? Telling themselves meaningless platitudes, like “For the greater good, sacrifices must be made”? Greater good for whom?'

'It's easy,' said Junpei, 'not to think about it.' That's what people did: they bought into a system they barely understood and not think about it.

'But I can't do that. I can't just forget what they did to me, and Aoi, and so many other children. Sacrifices.' She laughed. 'Let's go home, Jumpy. It's cold out here.'

And because Junpei didn't know what else to do, he followed her back home.

  *

Light is already on the stage when Junpei and Clover get inside the club, holding their free beer in paper cups. As Clover predicted, most of the audience comprised kids in black, elaborate make-up, modern Rococo children with candy clothes and frosted nails.

Junpei couldn't really pay attention to the music, not when he knows the Crash Keys are there, somewhere backstage, maybe, and what that might mean. Aoi has to be there. But Akane? Akane went away even before Aoi pulled his Running Away with Junpei's Money stunt, leaving Junpei to pick up the pieces of a life he's been pretending hasn't shattered years ago.

'Junpei?' says Clover.

'Yeah?'

'Light's set is over. Do you want to get out of here?'

Junpei shrugs. He doesn't want to do this to Clover, who is nice and doesn't judge people even when they're being over-romantic twats.

'You can go if you want,' he says. 'I thought I might stay a while.'

She smiles. 'Oh, I'd love to stay. I like Crash Keys. You mind if I bring Light along, though?'

Junpei shakes his head. 'Nah, go ahead.'

Minutes after Clover set off to look for her brother, Crash Keys step on the stage. Junpei, sitting at the very back of the club with his beer, can't really be sure, but he thinks the same old crowd is there; Nonna and Ennea the twins, who play rhythm guitar and bass respectively. There is Sigma the drummer, who owns the biggest variety of pornographic material Junpei has ever had the pleasure of encountering. A white-haired girl—who looks surprisingly like a female Aoi from afar—stands behind the keyboard. She is new, and Junpei wonders when she joined the band and how she got in. There is a vague feeling of resentment at seeing someone fill in for Akane like this, unmistakeable proof that she really is gone and everyone else has moved on. Did Aoi ever feel the same? Or is it business as usual; just another logical step that needed to be taken?

'Sorry to keep you waiting.'

Junpei looks up to see Light Field standing to his right. He has to lean back a bit in order to look at the man's face: even standing up, Junpei is easily a head shorter than Light.

'No worries,' says Junpei. Behind her brother, Clover is hovering uncertainly, holding a couple of beer cans in her hands. 'Sit down guys; you're making me nervous, towering over me like that.'

Light nods and pulls out a stool for Clover before sitting down himself. He does all of this with his eyes closed. During Light's performance, Clover mentioned that her brother is blind. There is really nothing more humbling than the fact that someone blind can play the harp so beautifully when Junpei—who has 20/20 vision, thanks very much—can barely play three chords on Aoi's guitar. Perhaps Light is one of those geniuses, like the ones from TV dramas and manga. He certainly has that quiet and powerful air about him. Also, he makes playing the harp look and sound incredibly cool.

'Cool set, man,' says Junpei.

'Thanks,' says Light. He smiles vaguely as Clover hands Junpei a beer can. 'You're Junpei.'

'Yeah.' Junpei turns to Clover, raising his eyebrows. She shrugs and shakes her head: no, she never mentioned him to her brother. Unsurprising, considering they are really more acquaintances than friends. But why the almost familiarity in Light's tone?

'You used to be Crash Key's manager,' says Light, as if reading Junpei's thoughts.

'Well,' says Junpei. From the stage, he could hear the first notes to 'Painter's Paradox'. Of course, it _has_ to be that song. 'I was more of a tech support, really.'

'I heard you also helped write some of their songs?'

'Really?' says Clover. 'Wow, I'd no idea, Junpei. I didn't think you were the musical type.'

Junpei, who has the maths for music but not the talent or inclination, shakes his head. 'I didn't really do much. Some of their older stuff has some maths in it—you know, mostly physics stuff. Quantum physics and its various interpretations. Aoi's into Borges, see, and he really digs that sort of thing.'

'Really?' says Light. He doesn't really look like his sister, but in that moment, Junpei can see the strong resemblance. 'I didn't think he was the type.'

Junpei frowns, and then frowns even more deeply as he wonders why he did so in the first place. A Pavlovian response, maybe left over from the time he was still with Aoi? But Junpei has never been the jealous and possessive type.

'Quantum physics?' says Clover. Aoi has started singing, and it is getting harder and harder to hear what everyone is saying, even if they shout right at Junpei's ear. But Junpei is used to this, has all but perfected the knack of reading people's lips while they talked. 'What's that got to do with your helping write the songs?'

'Oh,' says Junpei. 'I'm reading Theoretical Physics at uni.' That's where he and Akane met again, re-forming a friendship began back in grade school. 'I stopped going for a while, so it's taken me this long, but I'm getting there.'

 * 

Junpei sat on a bench, cooling his heels in the detention room of the police station and wondering what his parents would say if he actually ended up in jail. There was no evidence connecting him to any other crime than physical assault, but one never knew. Not even counting the fact that he was a minor.

His face and stomach still hurt from where he'd been punched repeatedly by a bunch of men in suits. Junpei thought that men in suits and dark sunglasses who beat people up only happened in movies. But being used to the point of desensitisation to this particular cliché hasn't prepared him for the real thing, apparently.

Fuck, he was tired. He wanted nothing more than a warm bath and to sleep for the rest of his life; safe from those men and everything related to Cradle Pharmaceutical.

'Come on,' said Aoi, waking Junpei up mid-snore with a rather rough shoulder-shaking.

'Nh? What?'

'Nonna and Ennea pulled some strings,' Aoi explained, all but pulling Junpei up by the collar of his shirt. 'You now owe their incredibly hot mum a big-ass favour. Don't even consider paying off with sex: I'm gonna fucking end you.'

Junpei made a face. 'Isn't she married to that giant dude who chases criminals for a living?'

'Yeah.'

'Thought so.'

And then Junpei was laughing, the muscles of his stomach protesting quite painfully, but he just couldn't help it. He held on to Aoi and giggled like a complete lunatic until Aoi was laughing along with him.

'You fucking twat,' said Aoi, after what felt like hours of hysterical laughter. He reached out to wipe away the tears that Junpei hadn't realised were trickling down his cheeks.

'Dude,' said Junpei.

'Yeah, yeah, I know,' said Aoi. 'Come on, let's go.'

They took a cab; Aoi saying he'd pay and giving Junpei's address to the driver. It wasn't until they were miles away from the police station and Junpei was sitting in the back of the cab with his head on Aoi's shoulder that Junpei asked, 'What about her?'

'She's fine,' said Aoi. 'I told her to lie low for a while.'

Aoi was angry. Junpei had sensed it the moment he'd woken up to Aoi's impassive face in the detention room. And now Aoi wouldn't even meet Junpei's eyes.

'It wasn't her fault,' said Junpei.

'I know that.' It sounded like a curse. Aoi ran a hand through his hair, fingers getting tangled with the black bands he usually wore. He pulled them off with a snarl. 'Fuck this.' He sighed. 'Hey, Junpei.'

'Hm?'

'If you tell us to fuck off I won't hold it against you.'

Junpei laughed again, softly this time, and took the hair bands from Aoi before he could do something drastic with them. Like using them to strangle the poor, unsuspecting driver. With his free hand, Junpei teased Aoi's hair back into its usual careful chaos.

'It's like the Painter's Paradox, yeah?'

'What's that?'

'A thought experiment. Well, it's not exactly a paradox any more, mathematically speaking—'

'Get to the fucking point, why don't you,' said Aoi, slapping Junpei's hand away from his hair.

'It has to do with Gabriel's Horn. Like, imagine this horn that extends to infinity, one end of it just getting smaller and smaller.' Junpei wiped his hand against the side of his trousers, wondering not for the first time how Aoi could bear to put so much gunk on his own hair. 'And now imagine someone trying to cover the whole thing with paint. It's easy enough to paint the outside, of course. But what about inside the horn? Pretty soon, the space would be too small to reach even with a fine brush.'

'You just need to pour the paint inside, right?' said Aoi.

'Yeah, that's what you do. But as the circumference of the hole gets smaller, you'll soon reach a point where even the paint molecules won't be able to pass through.'

'So?'

'So,' said Junpei, smiling. 'It proves that even if Gabriel's horn contains infinite space—meaning it goes on forever—it does have a finite volume.'

Aoi finally met Junpei's eyes, his fingers scratching the back of one ear as he thought about what Junpei had said.

'You mean even if your feelings are infinite, you can only take so much shit?' he said.

'I wouldn't quite put it like that.'

 * 

'I wasn't lying when I said forever,' sings Aoi. 'But this is as far as I can go. I've reached the point of paradox. Can't keep up with my heart any more.'

'This is different from their other stuff, isn't it?' says Clover. 'Usually it's maths and anarchy.' She giggles, as if realising how absurd that combination sounded. As far as Junpei knows, it's a pretty accurate description.

'It's one of mine,' says Junpei, grinning as Clover gasps and covers her mouth. 'It's okay. It _is_ romantic tripe. I was nineteen,' he adds, as if that explains it all.

'Gabriel's Horn, isn't it?' says Light.

Junpei nods, realises Light won't see him, and says, 'Yeah.'

And years ago Aoi sang the song as if he's going to strangle someone as soon as it was over. True, 'Painter's Paradox' is mostly Junpei's song, but Aoi wrote parts of it as well, and Junpei finds it funny that their feelings have been so different, even if the words are the same.

Now, Aoi sings as Junpei has intended, as if the gap has finally been reconciled. Junpei closes his eyes. He thinks he needs to hear this, after all the years spent with his doubts and fears and loneliness. But it isn't easy: listening to Aoi's voice, knowing Aoi is just a few feet away, singing the last song he's ever written with Junpei.

'Hey, Junpei.'

Junpei opens his eyes and sits up. It must've been his imagination, what with all the nostalgia and the general mushiness of his mood, but he could have sworn Aoi has just called his name.

Beside him, Junpei hears Light laugh.

'Sigma was sick all over your coat so I had to throw it away.'

There is no mistaking it: it _is_ Aoi's voice. Unsure, Junpei looks at Light.

'People have been wondering, you see. The name Junpei would always come up after that song,' Light explains. 'When Clover mentioned knowing someone by that name, I was intrigued.' He smiles. 'I guess I was right.'

'You mean you had Clover drag me here to find out if he was talking about me?' says Junpei.

Light shrugs. 'That's not the issue here, is it?'

'Isn't it?' says Junpei, through gritted teeth.

'The issue,' says Clover, quietly, 'is what you're going to do about it, Junpei.'

 

*

Several days after Junpei woke up to find Aoi—and all the money Junpei had tucked inside an old textbook—gone, Junpei received a letter from the mail.

Actually, he found the envelope in the mailbox that corresponded with his flat, but there were no stamps on it, nor a return address. He carried it back to his room, wondering if belated pangs of conscience had prompted Aoi into doing something as old-fashioned as writing a letter. But the handwriting was different from Aoi's uneven scrawl. Opening the envelope, Junpei realised what he had probably known, subconsciously, from the start.

It was from Akane.

Jumpy,

First of all I would like to apologise for going away without saying good bye. You've always been patient with me, even when Aoi wasn't. I know he means well, as do you; please remember that I would always hold you both dearest to my heart.

We've never told you about what happened to us when we were just children, have we? When we were very young, our parents died in a car accident. Technically we were left under the care of our father's relatives, but Aoi and I chose to stay in our old house. Sometimes one of our aunts would drop by for a visit and check in on us, but mostly we were left to ourselves, which suited us both fine.

Aoi was really too young to take care of me, but he did a very good job of it, didn't he? At least, I like to think so. He's always put myself and my own selfish and childish needs before his own. Sometimes I feel guilty about that. Even more so, now that I've decided on my own path. Can you tell him I'm sorry, Jumpy? Somehow, I think it would be better, coming from someone, someone he cares about, than simply having him read this letter.

Back then, Cradle Pharmaceutical was far from being the giant conglomerate it is now. There was a rumour, actually, about some dubious transactions a few years ago. Nonna and Ennea's stepfather was one of the detectives assigned to the case. That was how he and Hazuki-san met, you see. No real evidence turned up during the inquiry. He said it was almost as if they were investigating amidst a fog: everything had been obscured, hidden away.

A few months after, he and his colleagues were pulled away from the case. There were no explanations for this. He thinks someone from the police force—maybe a lot of someones—had been paid off.

Seven years ago, Cradle Pharmaceutical had a breakthrough with Soporil β. This is the same drug that would be used against the crowds picketing against Cradle Pharmaceutical's inhumane practices later on. That's quite ironic, isn't it, Jumpy?

Unknown to a lot of people, the drug was also tested on a group of children procured through various means by a different corporation allied to Cradle Pharmaceutical.

Aoi and I are one of those children. So too are Nonna and Ennea.

It was their father who had brought them to Cradle. When Hazuki-san found out, she filed an official complaint and divorced her husband. She was granted custody of their daughters and pulled them out of the research facility as soon as possible.

Unfortunately, the legal procedure took a long time. As for Aoi and myself, we had no worried guardians waiting to take us back.

Soporil β was not the only drug Cradle was working on at the time. Suffice to say, the children in the research facility had a rather hard time of it.

I won't go in length about that here. Perhaps you can ask Aoi. He would never talk about the time we spent in the research facility with me or the others. But perhaps he will tell you, Jumpy.

Perhaps this will help you understand why I have to leave. I don't expect you to forgive me, Jumpy. Perhaps not for a very long time. But I promised myself back then that such an incident will never happen again. And if it meant fighting against Cradle Pharmaceutical, then that is what needs to be done.

I will always treasure the years I spent with you. You, me, and Aoi. I don't remember much of my life before my parents died, although I like to imagine it was a good life. It would be easy for me to say that you and Aoi have made me the happiest I have ever been in my life.

Until we meet again.

-Akane

 * 

What Junpei does is follow Akane and Aoi's shining examples and leave.

It feels so easy, walking away from Rhizome 9—ignoring Clover's startled 'Hey!'—the crowds thinning until Junpei is alone on the pavement, the sound of his footsteps becoming a part of the silence of the summer night. He realises why Akane and Aoi have done what they did.

It is an exhilarating feeling. He feels it like a pain in his chest.

Junpei laughs. 'We've reached the point of paradox, huh?'

After a while, Junpei finds himself standing in a playground. Some shrubs form a scraggly queue behind a swing set, a flimsy wall between the playground and the parking lot of an office building. Junpei wonders what sort of kids actually go to this area; there aren't any schools nearby that he knew of, and the closest residential area is a couple blocks away. Perhaps salary men go to this place for lunch, maybe even have a turn in the sand box while thinking about the paperwork piling up in their in-trays.

Junpei sits down one of the swings and waits for Aoi to come.

* 

People say love hurts; Junpei finds the truth of the matter when a two-inch boot sole lands on his back, right between his shoulder blades. Unseated from the swing, he lands badly on the ground, skinning the palms of his hands and almost kissing the hard-packed earth.

'Ow _fuck_!' he gasps. 'What the fuck is wrong with you, man?!'

'You,' says Aoi. 'What the fuck is wrong with _you_? I had to leave in the middle of our set, Junpei. You know what that fucking means?'

Having spent a good part of two years fixing up gigs and busted equipment for Crash Keys, Junpei is well aware what Aoi means. But it's amazing what pain and surprise can do to a person's sympathies.

'Fuck off,' he says, moving carefully as he attempts to assess damages. His body seems to have been turned into a physical embodiment of pain, but aside from that everything seem to be in working order. Junpei sits up and turns to look at Aoi. 'That fucking hurt.'

'It's supposed to,' says Aoi. He sits down the swing Junpei has been forced to vacate earlier, idly pushing the swing to and fro with his legs and looking like he is thoroughly enjoying himself. When Junpei says nothing, Aoi adds, 'Sorry.'

'About the coat? Or that platform kick from visual kei hell?' says Junpei.

'Neither, you idiot.' Aoi laughs; his best (and sometimes only) attractive quality. He's probably the only person who finds Junpei funny. 'The coat's Sigma's fault, anyway.'

'If you hadn't stolen the fucking thing,' says Junpei, 'it would've been safe from fucking Sigma. Dude can't even drink a can of beer without making a tit of himself, what the fuck, Aoi.'

Aoi nods, although the gesture doesn't really mean anything aside from a vague acknowledgement of Junpei's words.

'Aoi?'

'It's cold, isn't it?'

'Well,' says Junpei, eyeing Aoi's tank top as pointedly as possible. 'Where the hell's your scarf? Not that it would've done an iota of good—'

'Dunno.' Aoi scratches the back of an ear, frowning at Junpei as if it is all his fault. 'Probably lost the thing while I was running after you. What the hell do you think this is? Some fucking high school drama?'

Junpei shrugs. Feeling like he is in control of his body again, he stands up, wincing as the scratches on his knees make contact with the fabric of his jeans. 'Shame isn't it? That coat would've been really useful right now.'

'I don't need the fucking thing, you stinking shagsack,' says Aoi. 'Did your mum drop you on your head as a baby?'

Junpei laughs. He is standing in front of Aoi now, wrapping his arms around Aoi, feeling that thin and wiry body against his own, breathing in the live-house scent of sweat and cigarettes and beer. 'Leave my mum out of this, arsehole.'

 

*

'Could it be Jumpy?'

Junpei looked up from his map of the university campus—he wasn't too bad with directions, but he _did_ spend his last university-free days holed up in his new flat playing video games and checking obscure online threads instead of getting acquainted with his new surroundings, which meant he ended up not knowing shit about where he had to be and how he was supposed to go there on his very first day.

A girl was standing in front of him, head tilted to one side. The slight twitching of her lips suggested that she was getting ready to put on an embarrassed little smile just in case she was wrong and he tried brushing her off.

'Kanny?' said Junpei, feeling—for no reason apparent to him—like he'd tried drinking a bottle of beer at one go. 'Kurashiki Akane?'

'Jumpy!' Akane was really smiling now, nothing embarrassed about it, just the sort of radiantly happy expression new students wore when they see a familiar face in the completely confusing world of higher education. 'Are you studying here as well?'

'Yeah,' said Junpei, nodding. 'Theoretical Physics. You?'

'Really?' said Akane, covering her mouth with one hand. 'Me too.'

'Oh man.' Junpei laughed softly. 'Does that mean you know how to get to the Physics building? 'Cause I'm completely stumped.'

'Sure.' She looked back over her shoulder. 'I can walk there with you. Let me just—'

Akane was waving at a man who was walking towards them. He waved back, although the expression on his face when he looked at Junpei looked like he wanted to tear Junpei's limbs apart with his bare hands.

Shit. Was he Akane's boyfriend?

'This is my older brother, Aoi.' Akane was beaming at both of them as if completely unaware that her brother was probably getting ready to murder Junpei right in the middle of the campus. 'Aoi, this is Tenmyouji Junpei. We were friends in grade school.'

'Erm, hi,' said Junpei. Feeling like it might be best to make a good impression on a childhood friend's sibling—especially since childhood friend was really attractive and Junpei had actually fancied her since they were kids—he bowed, although the gesture made him feel like a bared heel in a tankful of sharks. Which was a bit unfair, really. He was happy to see Akane again, is all. It wasn't like he was planning on getting in her pants or something. Not that he wouldn't want to. Not if she wanted the same thing, anyway. Straightening from his bow, Junpei met Aoi's eyes and tried not to step back. He couldn't possibly know what Junpei was thinking. Right?

Why did Aoi look like he'd upped the murderous intent a notch, though?

'I'll come pick you up later,' said Aoi.

'Okay,' said Akane. 'Hey, maybe we can all get a bite to eat somewhere, the three of us? To celebrate the first day of uni and my meeting Jumpy again?'

Aoi raised an eyebrow. 'Is that really worth celebrating?'

'You don't have to come with us, if you don't want to,' said Junpei. He regretted the moment of his birth as soon as he'd said that, but Akane just laughed.

'Now now,' she said. 'You two would get along just fine.'

Junpei would have written that off as an overly optimistic statement, but something about Akane's face when she said it made it seem more of a command. Okay, Akane could be pretty scary, apparently. But it was also incredibly hot, and Junpei didn't really care that he more or less got whipped by a wisp of a girl who was smiling at him and Aoi as if she hadn't just tacked a silent 'or else' on an otherwise innocent sentence. It was a rather nice experience.

*

 

Junpei crawls out of the bed and shuffles towards the loo, wishing he could just piss from outside the window. But Aoi would probably give him hell for that. Not to mention his window is right across a flat shared by a group of college girls, and the nagging pain in his bladder isn't enough reason to add exposure to the number of charges already in his police records.

'What're you doing?' The room is dark, and Junpei hears more than sees Aoi moving on the bed; the quiet rustling of the sheets and the faint note of annoyance in Aoi's voice at finding his human hot water bottle halfway across the room with one of the bed sheets wrapped around his shoulders like a cape.

'Loo,' says Junpei.

'What's with the cape,' says Aoi. 'You look stupid.'

'I can't very well walk around naked, can I?' says Junpei. 'Someone could be looking in from the window or something.'

'Like they'd even want to.'

'Say what you will, but I for one know you can't get enough of this hot body.' Junpei laughs and runs the rest of the way to the toilet, slamming the door shut in time to hear something hit the wood with a lethal-sounding thump. Probably Aoi's boots again. One of these days those things are going to kill him. 'What? I'm just saying!'

'Fuck you and everything you stand for.'

Junpei is almost done pissing when the door opens. He hasn't bothered locking the thing because—well, actually because the doorknob is busted and wouldn't have locked even if Junpei wanted it to. There's no one else in the flat but him, after all. He could piss in the toilet with the door open if he likes.

'Hey, what happened to privacy and personal space?' says Junpei, trying to wrap the sheet around his body and shake his cock free of pee drops at the same time.

'Aww, don't cover up,' says Aoi, elbowing Junpei away from the toilet. He hasn't bothered putting on clothes, which is quite forward of him, really. What about Junpei's virtue? 'Show off that hot body I can't get enough of.'

'Dude, it sounds so dirty when you say it,' says Junpei, washing his hands while Aoi takes care of his business with the toilet.

'That's because it's _meant_ to be dirty,' Aoi scoffs. 'It's not my fault your sexiness level's below zero.'

Junpei makes a face. 'Hey, Aoi.'

'Hm?'

'How'd you know I was in the club earlier?'

'Dude.' Aoi raises his eyebrows at Junpei, the corners of his mouth twitching. 'You punched a bouncer and made a huge fuss near the door. A bouncer, Junpei. He probably weighs three of you.'

'I did?' For some reason, Junpei feels his face get warm. 'I—I don't remember that. So that's why my hand hurts like fuck. I thought it was from my fall in the playground.'

'You do the dumbest shit sometimes.'

'Yeah, like leaving me wasn't dumb,' Junpei says. His eyes meet Aoi's, but something about the expression on Aoi's face makes Junpei feel uncomfortable, as if he's seen something he shouldn't. The terrible intimacy of it making Junpei look away, frowning at the dark sludge that's formed between the bathroom tiles. 'Have you—I mean, did you find her? Is that why you're back?'

'No and no.'

Junpei hears Aoi move closer, sees pale hands reaching out for the tap of the basin from the corner of his eye. 'Oh.'

'You know that paradox shit you talked about?' says Aoi. His voice sounds loud against the rush of tap water. 'From that stupid song?'

'It is stupid, isn't it?' Junpei cuts in. He looks up, watches Aoi washing his hands, and laughs softly. 'I mean, that fucker Gabriel: what does he need an infinite trumpet for, anyway?'

Aoi snorts and turns the tap off. 'You tell me. And it's technically a horn.'

'We're not,' Junpei takes a deep breath. 'We're not trumpets.'

'Horn,' Aoi says again. He is smiling. 'And no. We're not.'

Junpei looks at Aoi's lower body. 'Well, I don't know about horn—'

'Shut up, you fucking pervert.' Aoi rolls his eyes. 'Of course you would. Of course you _just_ have to—'

'Hey, I can't help it,' says Junpei. 'It's like how you can't seem to wear anything climate-friendly. I have to make lame jokes. It would break my heart not to.'

'Junpei?'

Junpei doesn't answer, just moves his head a bit so his lips could touch Aoi's, and he sees Aoi smiling again before he closes his eyes. Aoi is still saying something; Junpei's willing to bet it's an insult, but Aoi's lips are moving against his, breath warm and ticklish, and oh, he is pulling Junpei close, arms around Junpei's shoulders, and Junpei gives a breathy little laugh before teasing Aoi's mouth open with his tongue.

Aoi breaks the kiss first, biting at Junpei's lower lip before letting go. 'Junpei.'

'It's cold, isn't it?' says Junpei, wrapping his bed sheet cape around Aoi.

'Let's go back to bed,' says Aoi.


End file.
